


Good News, Bad News, More Bad News

by Lia_Bolton



Category: Naruto
Genre: Babysitter Namikaze Minato, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dad Namikaze Minato, Gen, Kid Uchiha Itachi, Kid Uchiha Sasuke, Kid Uzumaki Naruto, Namikaze Minato Lives, Namikaze Minato Needs a Hug, Uchiha Itachi is a Little Shit, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Uchiha Sasuke is a Little Shit, Uzumaki Naruto Is A Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29464668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Bolton/pseuds/Lia_Bolton
Summary: After the shock making it home in one piece, the shock of Sasuke-kun burning their curtains with (little) balls of fire and Naruto helping him by whiffling almost makes him choke on his spit.Then he sees Itachi-kun stopping the fire from escalating as he’s calmly reading a book.Minatodoeschoke on his spit.-Or, in which Minato babysits Naruto, Sasuke, andnot reallyItachi. Then things go downhill.
Relationships: Namikaze Minato & Uchiha Sasuke, Namikaze Minato & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Good News, Bad News, More Bad News

“Why is it always me?” Minato mumbles to himself, face buried in his hands. He can hear Naruto (or more accurately his screams) touring around him like a faulty carrousel, the type you would come across in your nightmares.

“Dad!” the boy yells, causing Minato to look up reflexively. His dear two-year-old has flour and honey all over him, his eyes glowing with mischief as he licks the cookie bits around his mouth.

His son looks like a golden bijuu. Great. Nothing abnormal. Except…

Two of his hiraishin kunais are in Naruto’s hands. 

_What on earth_ are they doing in his son’s hands? Minato’s eyes widen as he makes a move to take them back – which falls under the same moment his son screams “Look at me!”, and throws one of the kunais.

This is how Minato suddenly finds himself floating in the air, exactly above a dark-haired tiny boy, even smaller than Naruto – Sasuke-kun. The boy screams in excitement and claps happily at the sight of him.

Minato wonders if he will be this enthusiastic when he gets squished under a fully grown man.

Because the thought isn’t exactly appealing to him.

Not wanting to kill a child -no matter how much he resembles a sleep-paralysis-demon- he focuses on the other kunai in Naruto’s hands, and teleports himself before he falls on top of the tiny boy.

Good news: He hasn’t squished Sasuke-kun under him like a bug.

Bad news: He’s about to lose his mind.

More bad news: He’s _still_ flying.

He _saw_ it, saw Naruto throwing the kunai in his hands, and it going through the window, just a moment before he used his jutsu – but he didn’t have the time to stop himself.

A few moments ago, he was floating on top of a boy.

Now, he’s floating on a river.

And a moment later, he’s not. He’s _in_ the river.

He really isn’t sure if he will kill Kushina for leaving these… nightmare-fuels to him, or Kushina will kill him for the damage her home suffered.

If there’s one thing he knows, it’s that there will be _blood_.

His wife has left for a mission an hour and a half ago, taking Mikoto-san with her, and since Fugaku-san is on another mission – Minato suddenly has a mission too.

 _Babysitting_. To _two_ monsters and a thirty-year-old in a seven-year-old's body.

He would much rather fight do _paperwork_ , and that says something. At least they don’t cause PTSD.

Most of the time.

He gets out of the freezing water, using his jutsu to teleport to home, desperately hoping that more disastrous things aren’t happening.

With his luck, _of course_ they are.

After the shock making it home in one piece, the shock of Sasuke-kun burning their curtains with (little) balls of fire and Naruto helping him by whiffling _almost_ makes him choke on his spit.

Then he sees Itachi-kun stopping the fire from escalating as he’s calmly reading a book.

Minato _does_ choke on his spit.

“Oh, hello, Hokage-sama.” says the seven-year-old calmly and gestures to the boys. “I was taking care of them when you were out.”

Minato thinks about the fifteen seconds he wasn’t here. _Fifteen seconds_. Then he looks at the burning curtains, the fire that now spread to the carpet, and Itachi-kun reading a book.

 _Fifteen seconds_.

He looks up and groans. “Thank you, Itachi-kun,” he says through his teeth.

The boy nods and accepts the “thanks”. “My pleasure, Hokage-sama.”

 _Why_ him?

They watch Sasuke-kun and Naruto playing reverse-firefighters for a few moments, Minato not knowing what to do and Itachi-kun being his weird self. Then, the boy tells something he can’t hear because of the boys’ yelling.

“Can you repeat what you said?” he yells, not tearing his eyes from the toddlers.

“I said ‘Should I help?’.” The boy repeats, this time much louder, and the man sighs in relief. Itachi-kun hasn’t done a… spectacular job in the fifteen seconds he was absent, but two hands are always better than one.

“I would really appreciate it.” answers Minato, immensely grateful. Itachi-kun nods, then walks to the boys and holds Sasuke-kun by his shoulder, stopping him (and Naruto, since there’s not anyone to start the fire) immediately.

Why can’t Minato have such powers?

He lets go of Sasuke-kun’s shoulder and taps two fingers on his forehead. “Sasuke,” he says, his smile warm.

Minato blinks. So, he _can_ smile.

Life is full of wonders.

“Goukyakuu no Jutsu is not appropriate for what you are trying to do.” Itachi-kun explains, and Minato finds himself being proud of the boy, he will make a great shinobi once he graduates a few months later, if he keeps being so mature.

“At least, the uncompleted version you’re using.” Itachi-kun continues. “Hokage-sama allowed me to help you. Here, let me show you how to do it.”

Minato freezes, trying to process what the boy said. He opens his mouth to tell him to stop, but Naruto jumps and throws himself onto him. The only sound he can make is a whimper as he falls on his back.

“Dad! Look what Itachi-nii-san is doing!” his son screams, damaging his eardrums while doing so.

“Katon Goukyakuu no Jutsu!” he hears Itachi, and stares at the ceiling, afraid of what he’ll see if he looks.

But well, it seems like Kushina is the one to do the killing, after all.

“Do you see that, Sasuke?” he hears Itachi-kun asking. It’s a pretty unnecessary question – if he hadn’t seen _that_ , he would have bigger problems than his talent in destroying houses with fireballs, like _blindness_.

Minato closes his eyes tightly and sits up, scared to open them. After a few seconds, he takes a deep breath, and faces his fear.

Possibly his death when Kushina is back.

Good news: The curtains are not on fire anymore.

Bad news: The half of the house with the curtains is gone.

More bad news: The other half is on fire.

When this is over, he’ll close himself to his room and do paperwork for every hour of the day, just to get away from any kids he might come across.

“Itachi-kun,” he says calmly, _too_ calmly, once he gets on his feet again. “What the fu-” He stops. No, no swearing in front of dem- children. “I mean, what are you doing?”

The boy looks at him, puzzled. “I was helping them, Hokage-sama – I even asked you about whether or not I should do it.” he says innocently.

Minato wants to bang his head repeatedly to the door, but that’s not really possible since it’s burned to the ground too. “You… I- That-”, he struggles to find words, both because of the noises Naruto and Sasuke-kun are _still_ making, and because he can’t believe what’s happening right now. How can he think that-

 _Sage_ , why him?

He takes deep breaths, to calm himself down – feeling the heat of the fire on his back doesn’t help much. “What I meant was, Itachi-kun, help _me_ , not _them_.”

The boy blinks, like he doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say. Under any other circumstances, Minato would have believed him. But now? With the slight tilt of his mouth he can’t mask? And knowing that he’s not stupid?

_No way._

He did that _on_ _purpose_.

Minato sighs and runs a hand through his face harshly, like he’s trying to tear the skin off. He looks at the toddlers for a moment, but even just that gives him a headache, even worse than the time when he caught Kakashi teaching Naruto how to read with his _porn books_ and the author himself, Jiraiya-sensei, cheering for them.

Huh, he thought that he erased that from his memory.

He turns his glare to Itachi-kun, whose poker-face is fully in place. ‘He’s kinda creepy,’ thinks Minato, and shudders – but he would have never thought that he would betray him for those little monsters.

_Rule number one for babysitting: Trust no one._

But he’s a shitty babysitter, he had accepted that less than five minutes after Kushina left, so he does exactly that.

“You,” he points at the boy ~~accusingly~~ , trustingItachi-kun to listen a direct order. “Go to, um…” he tries to find an excuse to get the boy out of here, preferably as soon as possible. “Go and find Kakashi-san, and then… train with him, yeah. I’m sure he would love to work with someone like you.” he finishes lamely – and to his surprise, Itachi-kun nods and leaves immediately.

After finally getting rid of the ~~arguably~~ biggest threat, he turns to the boys. “Now,” he says, using all his willpower to suppress the urge of laughing hysterically at the sight of them trying to make cookies. With mud. And with a fire jutsu used by a toddler. “You two, stop.” He orders firmly, in hopes of the boys _really_ putting an end to this nonsense.

He’s always been the one to have false hopes anyways.

They look at him, lower lips trembling. Minato takes a cautious step, chuckling nervously. “Hey,” he says softly. “There’s no reason to cry fo-”

Their cries interrupt him.

Oh, _how_ desperately Minato wants to tear his hair out.

He closes his ears with his hands, noises too loud and annoying to bear. “Can you stop crying please?” he pleads.

The boys cry harder.

Minato rushes to their side and reluctantly takes his hands off from his ears, wincing at the ear-piercing sound. He hugs Naruto with one arm and Sasuke-kun with the other. “Sssh,” he says, caressing their hair with shaking hands, maybe a little harsher than he means to, but definitely not enough to hurt them from the looks of it. “It’s okay.” Naruto seems to calm down a little, and he lets his guard down a bit.

Then Sasuke-kun jumps and kicks him in the face.

Minato lets out a yell as pain explodes – his hand immediately goes to his nose, letting go of Naruto to do so. The boy flinches at his scream and hides behind Sasuke-kun, who is _also_ trying to hide behind Naruto.

 _Please_ somebody _kill_ him.

Sasuke-kun points at him. “I kick cookie monster” he yells proudly, causing Naruto to giggle as he holds his hand.

“You the best Sasuke!” he yells back, smiling.

Why can’t tiny humans speak normally?

Minato doesn’t even bother to move as the _real_ monsters in the room start running in his direction, throwing their “cookies” at him, covering him in mud.

Something snaps inside him.

“For god’s sake, _stop_!” he screams, too tired to care about scaring the kids.

The boys stop dead in their tracks, looking at him with wide eyes. “B-but…” Naruto trails off, and Sasuke-kun’s lower lip trembles.

Naruto looks at him innocently and tilts his head to the right. He then takes a handful of mud from the floor and points at it with his free hand. “…cookies?”

**Author's Note:**

> When I started this, I intended to write some fluff about Minato and Kushina. Then somehow this happened. 
> 
> I think this _should_ count as Minato whump, but whatever.
> 
> Oh, and hope you had a nice time reading it!


End file.
